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10 May 2014 @ 08:13 am
Who knew?  
Isn't it weird when you have all these strong opinions about what's important and what you want, but then when you actually arrive there, you realize it's not what you wanted at all? "Yay! I got just what I wanted! ...Now how do I get rid of it?"

Before I ever started dating, I had these ideas about what I would want in a potential partner. I thought intelligence was more important than a sense of humor, for instance. Or that having compatible hobbies and interests was more important than compatible morality and world view. (In the end, I found a diamond in the rough who scores a 10/10 in all these categories, but the people I dated before that showed me my priorities were mistaken.)

Or in work, I thought skating by with the least amount of work would be the greatest. Turns out the work day flies by faster if I stay busy and I gain more pleasure in my work when I see how much I've accomplished. I thought I wouldn't care about my coworkers as long as I enjoyed my job; now I realize it's impossible to enjoy my job if I have terrible toxic coworkers. (And the opposite is also true--a truly awful job can be tolerable and even fun if you've got a kickass group of coworkers.) I thought a manager who was totally hands-off and left me alone would be awesome, but now I realize that's just a sign that she doesn't give a crap about me or what I'm doing, and that's more discouraging (though less aggravating) than micro-management.

What are things in life that caught you by surprise? (What you thought was horrible was actually wonderful; what you thought would be great turned out to be awful) Did you have to actually live it out to find out your preliminary guess was wrong? Or did you figure it out by watching other people's mistakes and changing with time?
 
 
 
elise_rashaelise_rasha on May 10th, 2014 07:59 pm (UTC)
I would have to say the desire to stay in the Great Lakes region rather than moving to California. Since 1987 until 2002, moving to California had been a dream of mine. Then my mom was diagnosed with some heart issues, had a procedure done in Philadelphia, and I went with her and my stepdad.

Fell in love with the City of Brotherly Love, and I've wanted to go there since.
lookfarlookfar on May 11th, 2014 03:01 am (UTC)
I think I was really surprised by how alienating grad school was. I had assumed it would be like freshman year of college all over again - new friends! But in fact, everyone split the scene immediately after class. I went to NYU and no one lived around the campus, or if they did, they had a pre-grad-school life that took up their time. I literally never spoke to a single person I went to grad school with after graduation. So the relationship part of grad school was a big disappointment.

On the reverse side, I always thought, growing up, that sharing a bed and a bedroom with someone would be claustrophobic and oppressive. Instead, it's one of my favorite parts of marriage - so mammalian! So comforting and dependable!
jewelpjewelp on May 20th, 2014 09:49 pm (UTC)
great post. at first thought i'm not coming up with anything and i think that's because i've never gone for anything i wanted - i've never really had an opinion about something and acted on it - like getting a particular job or what kind of person to date (have had very very little dating experience).

actually now that i am thinking about it, NOT acting on things was a decision. I never wanted conflict in my life - of any kind. i thought that have an emotionally smooth life was the easy to go, the thing we supposed to aspire to, so i never did anything that was opposable to the general public opinion. that's not to say i didn't have my opinions that differed from the norm, actually quite the opposite, but i never DID anything to single me out or create conflict in my life about those opinions. Now i see that was wrong - conflict is what helps create who you are. success AND failure, heartbreak, arguments with friends and family - these are all good things and make life worth living. I still don't run headlong into conflict, but i am more motivated today to go out and maybe DO something that i support and believe in.
eiko82: garcia morgan hugeiko82 on May 22nd, 2014 03:43 pm (UTC)
I thought I wouldn't care about my coworkers as long as I enjoyed my job; now I realize it's impossible to enjoy my job if I have terrible toxic coworkers. (And the opposite is also true--a truly awful job can be tolerable and even fun if you've got a kickass group of coworkers.

Having awesome colleagues is the only way I survived my awful job at customer services for 3.5 years. If it hadn't been for them, I'd not have lasted that long. Whilst I'll never say that I miss my old job ('cause I really don't), I do miss my old colleagues. You see, before starting my new job, I worried about what my new colleagues would be like.

To a certain extent, my fear came true. My new colleagues are friendly but there is no team spirit. Everyone just does their work and that's it. No one has lunch together or goes for a drink after work. It's the complete opposite of my old job where everyone would have lunch together. If it wasn't for my colleague who started on the same day as me, I would be having lunch by myself every day.

Anyways, as for a thing that could've been horrible but turned out wonderful, I would have to say that moving in with my boyfriend is one of those things. Before we moved in, I had never lived together with anyone since I graduated high school.

I feared that living so closely together would inevitably lead to massive fights where we'd end up hating each other. Thank goodness, that didn't happen. In the end, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.